WHAT DOES FORGIVENESS REALLY LOOK LIKE?

(A JussKyia Reflection on Isaiah 43:18–19)

The Holy Bible is TRUTH

“Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past.See, I am doing a new thing!Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.”— Isaiah 43:18–19 (NIV)

Forgiveness is such a broad, complicated thing. I don’t even know if I truly understand what it looks like, but I feel drawn to talk about it — not because I have the answers, but because I’m trying to figure it out too.

My Lifelong Wrestling Match With Forgiveness

Let me be honest with you: forgiveness has been a lifelong struggle for me.Trying to accept it…Trying to understand it…Trying to align it with God’s Word…

Especially trying to understand how forgiveness fits with my human nature — because from the human side?Half of this feels impossible.And the truth is, it is impossible without Christ.That’s the part we all forget.

People say forgiveness is “for you, not them.”They say carrying that bitterness hurts you more than it hurts them.They say letting it go frees your mind, your spirit, your peace.

And I get the dialogue.I understand the theory.I know the spiritual intention behind it.

But understanding forgiveness in my mind has never guaranteed that I know how to actually do it in my heart.

“Forget the Former Things”… Okay, But How?

Isaiah says,“Forget the former things. Do not dwell on the past.”

I used to think God meant, “Forget what that other person did to you.” But right here in this moment — literally while writing this — I realized something deeper:

I wasn’t struggling to forgive him.I was struggling to forgive me.

Because let’s be honest:When you’ve been mistreated, misused, disrespected…When someone shows you exactly who they are…And you stay anyway…At some point the conversation shifts.

It’s no longer,“Why did he treat me this way?”It becomes,“Why did I let someone treat me this way?”

I remember sitting with God one night thinking,“Do I even like Kyia? How can I like her when I allow this?”

And that moment hit me hard.Because if you love someone, you show it.You protect them.You honor them.

So how could I say I loved me while choosing someone who didn’t?

And that’s when I realized:

This whole time…The forgiveness God has been calling me to was never about him.It was about me.

The Revelation: I Am Both the Offender and the One Who Needs to Forgive

And let me tell you — that’s a mouthful.

He didn’t lie.He didn’t hide who he was.He didn’t pretend to be better.He was exactly the person I knew he was.

So what am I forgiving him for?

My real work is forgiving the woman who stayed.The woman who overextended her compassion.The woman who ignored her own spirit.The woman who didn’t protect her own heart.

The forgiveness was mine long before it ever belonged to him.

“See, I Am Doing a New Thing”

God says He’s doing a new thing — but how can He make something new if I’m still holding onto the old?

How can I perceive what’s springing up if I keep rehearsing what already died?

He says He’s making rivers in the wilderness…But I’m standing there surrounded by trees I refuse to cut down.

This wilderness has to be pruned.This past has to be released.This memory has to be surrendered.

Otherwise, how will living water ever reach me?

And right here — in real time — I finally get it:

God wasn’t just telling me to forget what happened.He was telling me to forget the version of myself who allowed it.

So How Do You Truly Forgive?

You forgive the only way anything in this life is possible:through Christ.Not by trying to force it.Not by pretending you’re not hurt.Not by ignoring the pain.But by surrendering it — over and over if you need to — to the One who heals.

Forgiveness is a muscle.If you don’t work it, it atrophies.If you don’t feed it with the Word, it weakens.If you don’t return it to God, it gets heavy again.

Forgiveness is not easy.Anyone who says it is, I don’t know if I believe them.

But forgiveness is holy work.And holy work requires the Holy Spirit.

So today, I pray that when this old memory tries to return, my Spirit will remind me:

You’ve already forgiven that woman — and you’re not going back.

Final Thoughts

I am growing.I am healing.I am learning to forgive the woman I used to be so God can do a new thing in the woman I am becoming.

It’s me, JUSSKYIA —loving and sharing The Good News of Christ.

Ta-da! Amen.